I wish I was more creative with words. There are some authors I read that blow me away. Their breath taking typology and magical metaphors leave me wandering around aimlessly like the social outcast at the senior prom. Anyway, blog time.
Sometimes I wish God would choose someone else. Don’t you? Am I the only one that has days where I dream of obscurity and long for seclusion?
I have come to a unique and blissful place in life where my responsibilities have me stretched like plastic man except I’m not very elastic-like. I’m living life and managing more than I ever have before, but something is still calling. I don’t know what it is but it keeps my mind from sleeping and it keeps my soul from resting. As crazy as this sounds I’m sometimes afraid to talk to God because I fear He doesn’t really know who He’s calling. I, being the self-proclaimed king of mess ups, feel way too unqualified for anything of significance. But maybe that’s the point. Maybe, even though my mistakes were clearly not in His will, He’s used those foul ups to bring me to a humble reality of ill-preparedness. Maybe the idea is to not be confident but to be the harborer of controlled chaos. Maybe the idea is to be like…well…Moses. I believe I can, I just don’t believe I should.
God’s so peculiar that way. He’s the inventor of reverse psychology. When we don’t think we can, He says we should. When we think we could and should, He says we shouldn’t. Up is down, black is white, east is west, on is off.
He is the one that takes the pauper and makes him a prince. He takes Cinderella and makes her beautiful. He makes the wonderland for Alice.
I guess in the end it’s the unpredictability, the uncanny maneuvering, the blatant disregard for the extraordinary and the willingness to show glory in the mundane and socially forgotten that makes me so drawn to God. Because if the time comes that He chooses to glorify Himself through me, I won’t apologize. I won’t look at my past and tell God He’s unfamiliar with the stock He’s chosen. I have come to discover God is much more concerned with our future than our pasts – and it’s the past I’m willing to let go of for my future.