Every heart possesses a certain number of beats. Each beat is heard by God and felt by us, but we don’t know which beat will be our last. Where will it happen? When will it happen? Who will be around us when it happens?
Those really aren’t important questions, at least not as important as we make them. A more curious question would be, “What is our heart saying?” If each heart could narrate our thoughts and emotions and write them in a book, perhaps a biography, would our heart’s story be compelling? Would it be sad? Would it be rejoiceful? Would it tell of a tragic life or a victorious one, and what circumstances make the difference between the two?
What if our heart had a personality? Would it be vindictive? Angry? Bitter? Happy? Joyful? Jealous? Ambitious? Non-chalant? Maybe even… wicked? All of the above?
Yes, all of the above seems like the right answer. This isn’t the answer we want, and we certainly wouldn’t want our heart to take on the character traits of the wicked, but what are our choices?
Jeremiah 17:9-10 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? ‘I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.’”
But, are we capable of changing the characteristics of something as complex as the heart? Sometimes I think my heart has it’s own mind and the ways it desires are not the ways my soul desires. The turmoil within is never fully gone, at least not as long as I have an enemy who would rather the nature of my heart be the nature of my entire being.
But my heart does not control me. My heart is among the many, no, my heart is among the ALL that I have sacrificed to my King, and the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a contrite heart. God does not despise these. (Psalm 51:17).
The Lord knows the secrets of my heart (Psalm 44:21) and yet He loves me. If I regard the iniquity of my heart, He will not hear me. (Psalm 66:18). So what do I do? I pray that my heart would no longer thrive in it’s natural character but take on the character of Christ. I pray, “Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my reins and my heart” (Psalm 26:2). I desperately ask that He would create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 34:18). I Trust in the Lord with all of my heart and I do not lean on my own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5).
One thing I know, is that my heart belongs to Him to do as he will. I surely haven’t the knowledge or wisdom to handle such a fragile and potentially dangerous thing. My surrender is my sacrifice and my hope, my prayer, is that I wouldn’t worry about the condition of my heart or fear it’s safety, or even wonder when my heart should stop beating. My only desire echoes the voices whose hearts have long since ceased, whose breath has long since vanished. That desire is that when Jesus sees me, through His sacrifice, that my heart resembles His, and it is a heart that is broken before Him.